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etok
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Name: John
Country: United States
Birthday: 5/28/1984
Gender: Male
Interests: Finding proper means for reflecting my dissatisfaction with humanity via the arts and other forms of media
Expertise: Photography, Graphic & Web Design, Audio Engineering, Entrepreneurialism, Creative Writing
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
7/23/2004
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(hasselblad)
(cheap 35mm camera bought at thrift store that looks like a holga)
these past couple days i have gone through more growth than i ever have.
i have finnally let go of my trust issues. i used to be so paranoid of erica wanting to be with someone else. i used to be on such a pedestal because i hadnt taken a drink in 7 years. i lost control and snapped at erica harshly in two nights. there were many chemical factors involved in my behavior, things which i have now let go of. i was putting so much pressure on erica, her fear that if she moved back on drinking i would flip out and lose it and not want to be with her. so what did i do. in the dog house, in being scared shitless i was about to lose someone incredible i went to the store, bought to sapporos and sat down and started drinking. the next day my friend matt came over and counseled me for almost four hours of talking about how i need to change myself. i woke up this morning and all day yesterday feeling like a completely reborn human being. all that hate i carried around about people who drank bled into other things. i literally feel reborn. this isnt to say i am going to now drink regularly. i still have control, fuck i had 7 years of control. and alchohol was never a problem to begin with. but i'm no longer better than anyone because of it. i'm just like everyone else, grappling with the complexeties of life. before i took that drink i was sobbing uncontrollably and completely hysterical. after i sat down and started drinking i was like a dosile manati completely freed. it feels amazing, and is the biggest step i have ever taken. the courage to work on yourself and actually work on yourself is something that is very important and something i have never been willing to do for anyone, but to me erica was worth it. and i am worth it.
i also have a new job now working at a non profit that helps the homeless do their laundry and take care of their hygeine issues. it is the best job i have ever had, and they were understanding in giving me two days off to work on myself.
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